


Decided

by hinagiku27



Category: Gintama
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 16:07:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15537927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hinagiku27/pseuds/hinagiku27
Summary: Basically Hijikata indulges in something that he's not supposed to. [Spoiler for Gintama Manga chapter 692]





	Decided

**Author's Note:**

> I experimented in writing so actually when you reach the end there's "something" with this fic:) Enjoy, sorry for any mistake.

Fate can be cruel sometimes.

Alone, in the middle of a quite night in the Shinsengumi barracks stayed Hijikata Toshiro pensively. With that signature smoke on his lips his mind wanders, imagining what he'll do for a certain man and that man alone. A selfless man that let his body and soul get beaten up for his important person even while pretending to be an enemy. Broken bones, scraped skin, blood lost, Hijikata saw it all with his own eyes how Gintoki fought. The mayonnaise lover wonders why that good-for- nothing yet kind person must be trapped in such disheartening situation.

Hijikata’s head hurts, it’s like a kind of tightness in his chest. However he has already made up his mind.

“Don’t you dare perish so easily Yorozuya. Don’t act stupid and break the hearts of people who care about you.” Hijikata said to himself. He will try to reach him. Not everyone will understand his decision. Many obstacles will be faced. Hijikata will also take into consideration what what would be the worst possible scenario but Shinsengumi is already strong and stable enough, a part of it thanks to Gintoki.

Both of them are so similar, Gintoki and Hijikata could understand each other even they when they don't speak aloud. It’s there, a great and deep understanding of each other, and a feeling of that they are both on the same wavelength of thoughts and emotions. Hijikata is not essentially romantic by nature, even if, yes, he might consider him a soulmate.

Thinking logically, a normal person wouldn’t keep walking that path anyway. Pain, struggle, and loneliness. The path that is full of anguish. However as weird as it can be, he understood If he were in Gintoki position he sure would do the same. He would do anything to protect the place that he considers a home, he would fight with all of his might to keep everyone he loves stay safe.

“It will be difficult but it will worth it.” Hijikata said repeatedly in his mind while looking at the soaring smoke. Something akin to affection crawls inside him. Hijikata feels weird with the feeling, he denies it but he knows of its existence.

“ _Inside me, there is an something more important than my heart. Although you can't see it, I feel it going right through my head and down to my legs, and I know that it exists inside me. It's the one that lets me stand up and walk forward. So that I can walk forward, without ever trembling. If I stopped here I feel like it would break...My soul would break._ ” That silver-haired man had said.

Hijikata was fully aware that Gintoki treasured the children, Shinpachi and Kagura, a lot even though he wasn't showing it outright. That’s the reason why he's choosing to leave. Hijikata also realized how much Gintoki cherishes his teacher and the rest of Joui members despite that Gintoki doesn't acknowledge it, their bond is unbreakable.

Hijikata snorted and contorted his face into a faint smile, “Why, I sound like a jealous person.” He can’t be number one in Gintoki’s world. He knows that.

“He will run after Takasugi, he will always keep his eyes out for the remains of Naraku.That idiot perm-head.…”

Years ago Hijikata wouldn’t have imagined that he was the kind of person to make a depressing decision. Playing part as side character who exist to supporting the main character. Playing his part as side character who exists to support the main character. Hijikata Toushiro is a man full of logic, a police officer who works in the name of justice. Along the way: he lost his beloved woman, Mitsuba; he lost a precious brother, Tamegoro; he lost a potential best friend, Itou; he lost an honored ally, Isaburo. He’s lost a lot of people already, he understands the pain. He hates the devastating feeling, at least when it concerns the people around him. He doesn’t want Gintoki to become more miserable than how he seemed the last time he saw him. Looking back at the battle with Utsuro, Hijikata felt that Gintoki was grieving.

He decided, he vowed to himself that whatever it takes, “I’m gonna search for the Yorozuya.”

~~~

**Author's Note:**

> For Lusentoj, man I really appreciate that you kindly fix some of my writing error. Thank you!  
> Well then, anyone realized? In my language this kind of writing is called "fictogemino" idk how it says in English (kinda confused while googling it, sorry..) Means this fic can be read from above to bellow and vice versa I hope it makes sense lol


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